


The Third Rule

by Tamasha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Wedding Planner, Betrayal, Cheating, Closeted Character, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Humor, Kissing, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Modern Era, Relationship(s), Romance, Romantic Comedy, Wedding Planning, terrible romantic comedy but so good, weird!Merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 09:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7354783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamasha/pseuds/Tamasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Arthur Pendragon was, unfortunately, a closeted homosexual. Now, Merlin wasn’t judgmental, and he certainly was not the kind of person to put people into boxes, but sometimes things are just obvious. The way everything matched, down to his tie and his socks. The way his hair was styled perfectly to make it look like he did nothing to it at all. The way he sat up straight and read a magazine like it was the single most fascinating thing on the planet. Okay, none of that really mattered, straight people did that shit all the time. But Merlin was certain that Arthur had a huge boner for him (possibly literally) by the way he was checking Merlin out."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Third Rule

**Author's Note:**

> written by Tamara

_ When planning a wedding there are three things you definitely want to avoid. One, first and foremost, do not, I repeat, do not piss off the bride. Just don’t do it. It’s her wedding. She is always right. End of story. Drop it. It doesn’t matter if you are a lesbian couple, you know there is always that one person who is way more concerned about the wedding than the other. In fact, it doesn’t have to be the bride who is the one who is more concerned. There was one couple I just worked with where it was definitely the groom, Leon, who was more the “bride” than his wife, Morgana. Just don’t piss that person off, they are stressed enough as it is and they don’t need you making it about yourself when it is clearly their day. The second thing to avoid is don’t order a cake you wouldn’t eat. First of all, why would you even do that? You are going to have to eat the cake too. And second, it’s just common courtesy to your guests to get a decent cake. (I seem to have made a list within a list here, but I hope you are keeping up.) And the third and final thing to avoid when planning a wedding is: don’t fall in love with the wedding planner. It’s too cliché. The story’s been told before. We’ve all seen Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez, the Wedding Singer with Adam Sandler and the gorgeous Drew Barrymore. Pretty much every wedding movie out there has either the bride or groom falling in love with someone who is in their wedding party, like in 27 Dresses, Made of Honor, and My Best Friend's Wedding. Just, don't look at anyone else during the planning of your own wedding. Not only is it not okay, but real life just doesn’t work like it does in movies. Not to mention, it's a terrible way to start a relationship. Anyway, it doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t be doing it. This is your wedding day, and you should make it as special as possible with your partner. Don’t let your cold feet turn you to someone who is helping you plan your wedding; they are there to support you in a professional way ONLY. So. If you think you could follow these three simple rules then we are going to get along just dandy. If you need a wedding planner who is great and looks great doing it, I’m your guy. Merlin Emrys. _

 

“What the hell,” Arthur breathed after skimming the webpage Gwen had forced him to look at.

“He’s supposed to be really good.” Guinevere was in the bathroom trying to pin up her dress for the engagement party tonight, with very little luck.

Arthur raked a hand through his hair, tugging at it a little. “No, he sounds terrible. Did you actually read this, Gwen? ‘ _ I seem to have made a list within a list here, but I hope you are keeping up.’  _ He sounds like a complete idiot.”

“He planned your sister’s wedding, Arthur,” Gwen said, leaning her head out of the bathroom to look at him with her motherly-all-knowing look. “Or did you not read it?”

Arthur glanced back at the page. “Oh, right. Didn’t Morgs plan her own wedding?”

Gwen came out in a formal silk yellow dress that hugged her hips. It fell past her knees in the front, and touched the floor in the back. She had on a set of pearl earrings and her hair was tied tightly in a bun. She was putting in a final bobby pin, head tilted to the side, as she spoke. “She did, but she still paid him. I met him when she hired him. He was sweet, kind of like a child, but in a sort of adult way.”

“Gwen that doesn't even make sense.” Arthur heaved a sigh of surrender and pushed his laptop off his lap, moving to meet her by the bathroom door. “But if you like him, then we can hire him, as long as I don’t have to be around him very much.”

Gwen chuckled and playfully hit Arthur’s chest. “Shut up, you’ll love him. Just you wait and see.”

 

~~~

 

If Uther was good at any two things they were exchanging stocks and throwing parties. Though it was traditional for the bride’s father to throw the party, Thomas would not have been able to outdo Uther Pendragon. Not only was the live band great, but the catering was delicious. Gwen rushed over to her father as soon as she saw him among the crowd in Uther’s ballroom (he had a ballroom!).

“Daddy!” Thomas swung her into a big bear hug and congratulated her repeatedly.

“God little sis, don’t you think you are too old to be calling him ‘Daddy’?” Elyan asked from right next to their father.

Gwen pulled away from the hug and shook her head. “Aren’t you a little young to be calling me ‘little sis’?”

They both laughed and went in for a quick embrace. “So where is the lucky man? Did Arthur decide to stop being a stuck-up rich git for a night and mingle with us common folk?”

“Oh, hush, Elyan. He’s around here. Probably talking to Morgana or his father.”

 

~~~

 

Morgana was a boring story teller. The actual worst. She left out every detail and expected for you to follow exactly what she was talking about. Like now, she was talking, and Arthur had no idea what she was even on about. “He came into the store. I had three oranges already. And the clerk shouts, ‘Not in season!’ So we all run. Fastest cow I’ve ever even.” She sipped her drink smugly and swallowed resolutely. After a moment Leon and Uther began to laugh and laugh as if they knew exactly what she meant.

“What?” Arthur spat, totally unimpressed.

His sister just turned to him and said, “Looks like somebody is out of season.” Which just sent them into fits of laughter again.

Arthur shook his head. This was supposed to be his engagement party, wasn’t it? And Leon used to be his friend. Arthur didn’t really mind. In fact, he didn’t mind at all. He was just drunk. He loved Leon and Morgana together, they made a great team. Before meeting Leon, Morgana was allergic to the word commitment. Actually, she was pregnant when she met Leon and had no idea who the father was. Leon, for some unknown reason, still found the good in her and decided she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. She agreed and the rest is history. When Mordred, Morgana’s son, was two years old the couple tied the knot. That was the day Arthur decided to admit his feelings for his sister’s life-long best friend, Gwen. Which lead him down the same path as his sister, (minus the illegitimate child and cynical as all hell bit) getting engaged five months later.

In truth, Arthur was a bit of a romantic. Always had been. He believed in love at first sight; ever since he was a kid he had always thought that was how he'd fall in love. With Gwen, however, it had taken some time for him to notice her. She was his sister’s best friend and he hardly paid her any mind as a child. But once he realized his feelings, he couldn't get her off his mind. She was often coming around the house, so funny and smart, someone Arthur could see himself getting along with for the rest of his life. A solid companion, as Uther would say, and Arthur would have to agree; he trusted her with everything.

 

~~~

 

Instead of finding her fiancé at the party, Gwen accidentally ran into Lancelot, her ex boyfriend (well sort of ex) in the bathroom. It had been a while since they had hooked up, about three months now, so Gwen had almost convinced herself she was no longer cheating on Arthur. She had told Lance that she hadn’t wanted to do this anymore, and that's what they had agreed on three months ago. Never again. After walking into him, however, she couldn’t help but feel something for him that she knew she wasn't supposed to as an engaged woman.

Arthur had made the mistake of confessing his feelings for her for the first time right after her and Lance had gotten into a big fight and had broken up. It was supposed to be a big break-up, but Lancelot had called her the following day, begging to get back together. Gwen told him about Arthur and, poor Lance, the good hearted man that he was, had said he would let her go. Naturally, that broke her heart so she rushed into his arms to make it up to him. Arthur had already considered them dating when she did so. This forced Gwen to juggle things between the two of them for a few months till it all worked itself out. Once she had gotten more serious with Arthur, she called it quits with Lance, telling him she wanted to give Arthur a real shot. Lance agreed that was best, and backed off.

Tonight, however, was a different story. She took one good look at Lance, drunk and crying, and she couldn’t stop herself. She still loved him, and wanted him back. It had only been five months since they broke up at Morgana and Leon’s wedding, and after nearly five years of dating, Gwen knew who her heart truly belonged to.

No, she shouldn’t have kissed him. Yes, she had had too many drinks. But god, she forgot how good sex could actually be.

 

~~~

 

The bed felt cold and empty even though Gwen was there next to him, in her soft pink robe and curled up with her wet hair tied on top of her head. “Gwen?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you have a good time tonight?”

Gwen took a deep breath, as if she were making a giant effort to speak to him. The only light in the room came from the small lamp by Arthur’s bed which he had not switched off yet. “Yes, I did, Arthur.” She curled herself tighter in a ball, back still towards him and Arthur could tell she was settling into sleep.

Both had probably drunk more than they should have - luckily Morgana had enough sense to drive them both home - but something felt peculiar about Gwen’s behavior. Arthur decided it was most likely nerves left over from the party, nothing to worry about. With a sigh, Arthur reached over and shut off the light, wondering if he had rushed this whole relationship. It had only been five months, but he had known Gwen for ages. She had broken up with Lance the night they had first gotten together, but he believed that was long over. No, marrying Gwen was the right decision. She was a good person. And two months was plenty of time to plan a wedding. Morgana had pulled Arthur aside near the end of the night, giving him a cryptic warning about Gwen, but he had been too drunk to really listen. Morgana warned him about everything, and what could he possibly worry about? Everything would be fine.

 

~~~

 

“I’m warning you,” Morgana advised. “That dress is going to kill you by the end of the night.” She grabbed Gwen’s arm and pulled her back into the changing room. “Let’s try something with a little more fluff, shall we?” Gwen giggled in agreement as the two women continued trying on dresses.

Arthur wasn’t sure how he had gotten roped into the whole trying-on-dress-after-dress-after-dress-till-you-decide-on-the-first-dress-you-tried-on ordeal he now found himself in. He flipped through one of the bridal magazines that was laid out on the table before him. A smug blonde woman glared at him from the counter as she tapped away at the computer. Creepy.

“Oh, Arthur,” Morgana called from behind the changing screen. “I told Merlin to meet us here today. We are going get lunch with him and go over some scheduling.”

The name sounded familiar, but Arthur had no idea who they were talking about. “Who?”

“The wedding planner!” Gwen cried, half-laughing as Morgana ordered her to hold still. Arthur nodded in response as if they could see him, and went back to his magazine.

Just then the little bell on the door of the shop chimed and a black haired man with big ears walked in. Okay, so the ears were big, but in a sort of cute elephant kind of way. Wait, did Arthur just think that elephants were cute? Then compare that random man to one? Well, regardless, he was well dressed, in a weird mismatched, but on purpose, fashion. Arthur had to shake his head and see if the man was still standing there, make sure he was real. God, he was… staring right at Arthur.

“Arthur Pendragon?”

Arthur hummed, pulling himself together. “What?”

“Not him?” the man asked, adjusting the messenger bag on his shoulder.

“No, I’m... how do you know who I am?"

The big-eared-adorable-elephant-sort-of-well-dressed-man smiled at Arthur as if he had told a truly humorous joke. “Morgana called me and told me to meet you here. You look just like her, and I knew she was your sister.”

“We are half-siblings and look nothing alike,” Arthur protested instead of standing up and introducing himself like the polite gentleman he actually was.

This made the big-eared-adorable-elephant-sort-of-well-dressed-man chuckle out loud. “I actually saw you at her wedding, I was just having you on. Sorry, mate. Your face, though.” Now he was cracking up and Arthur thought maybe he had missed a bigger joke, but no, the big-eared-adorable-elephant-sort-of-well-dressed-man was laughing at his own joke. What an idiot.

Oh.

“Are you the wedding planner?”

Gathering his breath and nodding, the big-eared-adorable-elephant-sort-of-well-dressed-man composed himself. “That’s me, Merlin Emrys, at your service.”

Arthur rolled his eyes in an exaggerated way to show just how little he wanted to deal with this sort of behavior (even if he was secretly enjoying every second of it). “Gwen and Morgs are in the changing room trying on a dress.”

“A single dress?” Merlin asked with twinkle in his eye.

Arthur rolled his eyes, groaning.

“Is he here!?” Morgana was asking as she came around the changing screen. “Oh my god!” she shrilled. “Merlin! How are you, dearie?”

The two started talking and soon Gwen was out in a new dress and all three of them began yammering on about dresses and cakes and how exciting the whole thing was going to be. Arthur pulled up his magazine again. He didn’t really care about all this wedding talk. And he certainly didn’t want to look at Merlin any more than he had to. It was too distracting.

Arthur was definitely, most definitely, looking at the splendid flower arrangement in the bridal magazine and was certainly not staring at Merlin’s perfect little arse. Not perfect…

Shit.

 

~~~

 

Arthur Pendragon was, unfortunately, a closeted homosexual. Now, Merlin wasn’t judgmental, and he certainly was not the kind of person to put people into boxes, but sometimes things are just obvious. The way everything matched, down to his tie and his socks. The way his hair was styled perfectly to make it look like he did nothing to it at all. The way he sat up straight and read a magazine like it was the single most fascinating thing on the planet. Okay, none of that really mattered, straight people did that shit all the time. But Merlin was certain that Arthur had a huge boner for him (possibly literally) by the way he was checking Merlin out.

Merlin was trying to concentrate on Morgana and the poor bride of this marriage, as Arthur kept peering around his magazine to look at them. He wasn’t checking out his sister, and he certainly wasn’t checking out his bride - even though she was in a stunning Sassi Holford - Arthur was staring at Merlin, clear as day, not really trying to hide it at all.

Lunch was worse. When they got to the restaurant Arthur was grouchy and rude to Merlin, but when he thought Merlin wasn’t looking his mouth gaped a little as his eyes scanned Merlin from head to toe. Admittedly, he probably could have said something, or tried to play it cool, but a gorgeous blond man was checking him out and Merlin had to take advantage of that. They were waiting for their table, each holding a menu, and Arthur wasn’t even pretending to read it. He just had it down by his side and was looking at Merlin’s general middle area. As for himself, Merlin pretended to be fascinated by the fish choices this restaurant offered as he stuck out his tush, a bit exaggerated. This earned him an audible whimper from Arthur who quickly straightened up and found something else to look at.

Yup. Totally gay.

 

~~~

 

Two weeks of wedding planning with Arthur Pendragon and Guinevere Not-Actually-Going-To-Be-Pendragon went pretty much the same as the first day. Arthur would accidentally flirt with, or hit on, him while Merlin pretended not to notice but much more subtly encouraged it. Since Gwen and Morgana talked the whole time this gave Merlin an opportunity to multitask so he could work and mess with Arthur at the same time.

Truth be told, Merlin liked the attention, but he didn’t really want it. He had no intention of being the reason this couple didn’t work out. They probably had a laundry list already, and he certainly didn’t want to be the straw that broke that camel’s back. For starters, he liked Arthur; he didn’t want him to come to a revelation about his own sexuality while also dealing with the end of his marriage before it even started all in one go. That would be no bueno. Merlin also was friends with Morgana (he was mostly friends with her because he had to be, but he respected her) so he didn't want to accidentally piss her off by sleeping with her brother when he was supposed to be planning his wedding. And lastly, Merlin could tell what kind of person Arthur was. Even if they did fuck - because that would probably go in the top ten fucks of all time - Merlin would have to walk away from that, and he didn’t want to hurt Arthur more after his engagement fell apart.

See, Arthur was not just checking Merlin out, he had a crush. Arthur would get the door for Merlin, but push it to the side when the ladies went through. Arthur would offer Merlin beverages when they met at his house, but forget to ask Gwen if she needed anything. He would always be interested in Merlin’s day, but Gwen couldn’t get him interested in color schemes for the reception.

And Gwen and Arthur weren't going to work out for more than just the fact that Arthur was gay. He talked about the future and kids and what he imagined his and Gwen’s future home would look like while she talked about the wedding and the honeymoon, and not much past that. Arthur was a romantic-long-term kind of bloke. Gwen was an in-the-moment kind of woman. And Merlin? Well, Merlin was neither. He didn’t believe in any of that.

Merlin would break the shit out of Pendragon’s heart, and he really didn’t want to do that to such a nice guy. So yes, he would encourage the flirting and the staring, because it was a bit of fun and was a good laugh, but at the end of the day, Merlin made sure to discourage the other stuff. He never thanked Arthur for holding a door. He never accepted a drink at Arthur’s house. And he made sure he talked about the wedding as much as possible whenever Arthur asked him about his day. That was all he could offer Arthur, the poor sod.

 

~~~

 

Gwen had planned on talking to Arthur, maybe telling him about Lance or even just telling him she was going to call it off, but everytime she tried, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Arthur was too nice. Everytime he looked at her, his face would light up. He always seemed so excited about the wedding and she didn’t want to be the one to take that away from him. She almost wanted him to just walk in on her. That would be easier. One horrified and hurt expression, then it would be over; she wouldn’t have to talk to him about it or deal with the awful guilt.

But Lance refused to see her till she at least told Arthur. And that was fair. Arthur deserved to be told. He deserved a proper goodbye, but Gwen had no idea how to go about breaking someone’s heart. It was just not something she felt equipped to do. She cared about Arthur enough that she felt duty bound to just stay with him, but that wasn’t fair either. Gwen knew, deep down, that she had made her decision; she just needed to make it a reality.

 

~~~

 

Somehow Arthur got stuck trying out cake with Merlin alone. Gwen had an emergency at work, and Morgana hated sweets so she said she would be of no help. This was problematic. Arthur couldn’t deny that Merlin had popped up in one or two of Arthur’s dreams lately and that every time he was with the man he got a confused aroused feeling that was nothing more that a simple interest, if anything. Nothing more. But he wasn’t thinking about him all the time or anything like that. No, that would be inappropriate.

Merlin walked into the cake shop about ten minutes late. What a great start. Then he sat down in front of Arthur at the table, smelling so sweet. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Arthur breathed heavily, because he was annoyed and not at all because Merlin smelled like watermelon and baby powder.

He pulled out his little blue notebook that he carted around with him everywhere. “So, what is your favorite cake?”

“Um...” Arthur scowled. Merlin was looking at his notes, pen in hand, ready to write. Arthur figured after three weeks of meeting with the man nearly every day he could indulge Arthur in some small talk. “I guess I like red velvet.”

“Uck!” Merlin stuck out his tongue - that was distracting. 

“You’re a child,” Arthur stated, sitting up straight.

Merlin looked up from his notebook. “Am not.”

“Are too.” Arthur just wanted to see the look on Merlin's face, which, by the way, made it totally worth it.

“D2. Okay, let’s try a few samples, shall we?” Merlin suggested after a moment of both men staring at each other. “Did you tell them you were here for tasting?”

Arthur shook his head guiltily. He hadn’t wanted to do this at all. He and Gwen never could agree on much, especially lately, and she was getting more and more upset with him about the decisions he was making for the wedding. She didn’t like the flower arrangement he had picked, she said the wine he ordered was too expensive, and she didn’t seem satisfied with the ring had had planned on getting. At least if Arthur had Merlin with him, maybe the two of them could come up with something good that Gwen would like. “Not yet,” Arthur said, eyeing the front counter. "I was waiting for you."

“Well, what are we waiting for now? Come on. Let’s go!”

 

~~~

 

“Oh god, this is like that scene in The Wedding Singer, isn’t it?”

“What?” Arthur asked through a mouthful of red velvet cake.

Merlin sighed and offered him a napkin. “You know when Julia and Robbie are at the ice cream shop and they find out that they have more in common with each other than they do with their significant others?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Arthur wiped his mouth and finished his bite of cake.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "The Wedding Singer. You know, 1998 classic. Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler fall in love despite being engaged to the wrong people."

“I don’t really like American films.”

Merlin’s eyes grew wide. “What!?”

“Never really interested me.”

After a dramatic pause Merlin asked, “What about Star Wars?”

Arthur made a noncommittal noise that was just insulting to George Lucas’ name. 

Merlin stood up in protest. “What about Jurassic Park? Back to the Future? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? Indiana Jones?”

Arthur just shook his head as if he were happy to disappoint Merlin. “Nope.”

“None of them?”

“I haven’t seen any of those movies, Merlin. I didn’t really watch movies much growing up.” He just took another bit of cake, avoiding Merlin’s judgmental gaze.

Merlin sank back into his chair. “That’s so sad.”

Arthur looked up as if that was not the response he was expecting. “It is?”

“Well,” Merlin began, taking a bite of his chocolate chocolate cake. “I guess that answers my original question then, doesn’t it?”

“What’s that?” Arthur asks, genuinely interested now.

“This isn't the part of the story where we figure out we have more in common with each other than we do with our significant others.”

“Oh,” Arthur said, a bit disappointed. "You have a significant other?"

Merlin tried not to smile at Arthur’s endearing and ever-present crush. "Single as a Kraft cheese slice," he admitted happily, holding up his left hand.

“So what do you think of your cake?” Clearly changing the subject, Arthur shifted in his seat and looked at Merlin’s plate.

“Mmm,” Merlin hummed, licking his lips. “I love it.”

Arthur nodded seriously. “Okay. We will get that one.”

“You said you didn't like this one,” Merlin protested.

Arthur just shrugged and began to stand up. “I trust your judgement.” Then he started to walk out of the cake shop.

Merlin followed hurriedly. Once outside, the cold wind stung Merlin’s bare arms. “You’re breaking my second rule, you know.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My rules. One, don’t piss off the bride. Two, don’t order a cake you wouldn’t eat. And three, don’t fall in love with the wedding planner.”

Arthur just huffed and pulled up his collar on his peacoat. “Well, I already broke the first rule, so I might as well break them all, right?” he laughed bitterly as he watched the street.

“All of them?” Merlin repeated, hoping he didn’t realize what he was saying.

Arthur’s head snapped to Merlin. “I didn’t… um,” he stammered. “I forgot to tell the baker we had made a decision.” With a flustered look, Arthur was back in the shop before Merlin could say another word.

 

~~~

 

Arthur paced in front of Morgana’s flat avoiding a decision about whether to go up or not. He tugged at his tie, pulling it loose. What was he even doing here? What did he plan to do, just show up and confess to his sister that he had unquellable feelings for her friend and his wedding planner? This was stupid. He was just getting cold feet. Everyone got cold feet before their wedding. It was normal. This was normal.

When his mobile went off Arthur actually jumped in the air from surprise. “Shit,” he answered, instead of hello.

“Are you going to come up or just keep wandering around down in front like a loon?”

God, there were times when Arthur was convinced Morgana used black magic in order to be a psychic witch. “I think I’m going to wander like a loon for a bit more, Morgs.”

“Come up when you’re ready to talk.”

After another five minutes of wandering around like a loon, Arthur finally did come up to Morgana’s flat. 

Leon opened the door with Mordred in his arms. “Oh, hey, Arthur. What are you doing here?”

Without knowing what to say, Arthur grasped for words, hoping they would come. Luckily, Morgana used her psychic witch powers for good this time. “I asked him over,” she said, coming out of the kitchen drying her hands with a purple towel. “Let’s go to the study,” she ordered, tossing the towel on the couch as she walked away.

Leon rolled his eyes and went to pick it up from the couch. Mordred said something about cookies before Arthur followed Morgana into the other room.

“Spill,” she demanded once the door was closed and Arthur still had not said anything.

“Um. I don’t really know what I want to say… hence all the aimless pacing before coming in.”

Morgana rolled her eyes and sat down at her desk, pretending to find her paperwork fascinating. “You know I don’t have all day. Just tell me your secret already so I can finally get something off my chest.”

“What?” Arthur didn’t even care to pretend not to be interested in what Morgana had just said.

That, of course, pleased Morgana to no end. She looked back at him with a wicked smile. “Brother dear, you know the rules.”

“What do you need to get off your chest, Morgs?”

She sighed, as if truly giving in, and had that look on her face. That genuinely concerned look she rarely shared with Arthur. The look she gave him before telling him his hamster died in third grade. The look she gave him when she told him they were only half-siblings. The look she gave him when she wanted to say, “I love you so much Arthur and I really don’t want to hurt you but there is something I have to tell you,” because those words were too much for Morgana Pendragon to actually say.

“What is it?” he asked despite himself.

She stood up and met him where he was, still standing like an idiot by the door. She kept her eyes down for a moment gathering her thoughts, then, steeling herself, she looked into his eyes. “Gwen and Lance slept together at the engagement party.”

“What?” Arthur breathed the words, barely audible, even to himself. “She… No.”

“Arthur, I’m sorry.”

“No,” he repeated, as if that would change anything.

She reached out to offer a consoling hand but he pulled away. “You knew?”

“Arthur,” she warned. But she didn’t have to say it. 

He had no right to be angry with her. It didn't matter how long she knew, or what she knew, it wasn’t ever her place to say. Yes, he was glad she told him, but he should have heard it from Gwen. He should have. By Morgana keeping quiet, she was giving Gwen a chance to come clean about it all. In doing so, she was giving Arthur the best gift of all: a small chance for he and Gwen to make it work. Because if Gwen had come to Arthur and apologized, asked for forgiveness, he would have tried. He would have. He would have worked it out, for her. But since Gwen still hadn’t said anything to Arthur about it, that meant things could never get better.

“Thank you for telling me,” he admitted, sinking into the chair on the other side of his sister’s desk. “Fuck.”

She sat on the other chair beside him and let her hand rest on his knee. It was probably the most intimate the two of them had ever allowed themselves to be, and that awkwardness was still lingering in the room around them, but Arthur still found he appreciated the gesture, knowing how hard it was for her to offer. “You are going to be fine, you know that, right?"

“I know.”

“No, really,” she said, much more animated. “You have Merlin, so you’ll be fine.”

Arthur moved his leg away from her and shot her a warning look. But Morgana was the one who did the warning in the family, there was no use in trying to overpower her. “I don’t -”

“Don’t what, Arthur? Don’t lie to me. I know that’s what you were going to come over to talk to me about. So how was it? I bet Merlin is really dirty, isn’t he?”

Then Arthur understood. Morgana thought they had both cheated, which made it somehow more okay in her brain. And made it all right for her to tell him about Gwen. But Arthur was feeling guilt over a stupid crush, not... “Morgana, I didn’t sleep with Merlin. I just like him.”

Her face fell into a blank expression. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That changes things.”

 

~~~

 

Gwen had planned on meeting Lancelot at seven, they had agreed on it. It was now nearly eight. She sat shivering on the bench outside of his dorm, coat wrapped as tightly as possible around her. Her phone rang and she answered it quickly, assuming it was Lance. “I told you seven. Where are you?”

“You better fucking talk to my brother.”

Morgana? Gwen’s heart sank. It was a very rare thing for Morgana to allow her friendship with Gwen and her relationship with her brother cross paths, especially since Arthur and Gwen had gotten together. Morgana was the most loyal person, but if she needed to, she could keep those loyalties separated. Gwen almost didn’t tell Morgana about Lance, but she was her best friend and she needed to release some of the guilt she was feeling. Morgana, however, didn’t seem surprised and just insisted that Gwen talk to her brother as soon as possible. Of course, because Gwen was a coward, she still hadn't and that meant the wrath of Morgana was coming and it was coming hot.

“Are you listening?” Morgana said into the phone, startling Gwen back into the conversation.

“I’m here. Yeah. Okay. I’ll talk to him tonight.”

Right before Morgana hung up she spat, “You better.”

There was nothing but silence till Lance finally showed up. 

 

~~~

 

Apparently they had a pacman app for phones now. And if you restarted your phone enough times in one hour eventually siri will ask you if you are okay. And twenty-seven seconds is the exact amount of time it takes for 12 kids to realize they should not sit on a strangers car before the little old woman across the parking lot yells at them to get off. These were the realizations Merlin came to while waiting 45 minutes for Arthur and Gwen to come pick out tablecloths and napkins.

Merlin decided that he was probably the one who wrote the date wrong, even though he double checked it several times before leaving the house (would that be several checked it?). But since he only had Gwen and Morgana’s phone numbers (and Gwen’s phone was off), he figured it was useless to wait around and hope that one of them showed up. So he would have to get Arthur’s number from Morgana.

He was just about to dial her number when a familiar voice called out his name. “Sorry to keep you waiting,” Arthur said as he reached the stump Merlin was sitting on.

Something was different. Arthur looked like he had been up all night, hair in every direction and eyes sunk in like he had caught the plague. He also looked like he was really eager to see Merlin, which was odd because he still pretended like he wasn’t actually interested in Merlin whenever they were together. And then of course there was the obvious fact that Gwen was not with him. Oh shit. They had gotten in a fight. The wedding was off.

“What if we go get some ice cream instead of looking at tableclothes?”

“Oh no,” Merlin protested, getting to his feet. “No, no, no, no, no. First, ice cream is the exact frozen dessert that Julia and Robbie share when they fall in love and I specifically told you there would be no ice cream eating.” Arthur may have tried a weak protest, but Merlin just forged on. “Second, you clearly had a terrible night and without me coming to any judgment of my own I’m simply going to suggest you go home and rest. And third, you can’t just show up 45 minutes late and expect me to buy you ice cream, that’s just rude, Pendragon.”

Arthur’s head quirked to the side. “Okay. First of all, stop with the fucking lists, it’s stupid. No one speaks like that, Merlin. Second of all, Julia and Robbie were in love long before that ice cream scene you keep referencing because they fell in love the first time they met, you clearly haven’t seen that movie enough. And third, I was going to fucking pay for the ice cream, you idiot.”

Merlin could feel his anger rising up in his chest. No one insulted him that many times in one breath and didn’t get an earful afterwards. But then Arthur's head fell and Merlin could tell his original assumptions had been correct. Something bad had happened. And though Merlin wanted to be angry, he realized something vaguely in the back of his mind. Something Arthur had said. He had watched The Wedding Singer.

 

~~~

 

Gwen hadn’t come home that night. Morgana had probably said something to her because Morgana had always thought she was better suited to deal with Arthur’s life than he was. Well, that was true probably. Arthur didn’t even bother trying to convince Gwen to come home, she would when she was good and ready. Arthur would talk to her, just to iron everything out, but he wouldn't take her back. Not now. Not after everything he had learned.

Merlin accepted the offer to go get ice cream, though it was a bit of a struggle. It ended up technically being frozen yogurt, but Arthur had managed to calm Merlin down enough to agree. Arthur was happy to just sit and talk to someone that didn’t know his family or what was actually going on in his life. 

After a silent walk to the frozen yogurt shop, Merlin decided he would take full control of the conversation, forgetting entirely about the tension from before. He talked endlessly about movies, specifically American movies, and all the common tropes that annoyed him about said movies. He then told Arthur all about his birds and his three cats. (That house was probably filthy, Arthur decided.) 

Then Merlin went on to tell him about how he had become a wedding planner. Merlin’s mother was a romantic and had started the business because she loved watching couples build a life together. When Merlin was young he would help her out, on weekends, learning all the ins and outs of the industry. Now that his mother was gone he couldn’t bear to let all her hard work go to waste, so he continued on with her business. Arthur fought the urge to rush over and hug Merlin on the spot upon hearing this story, but they were in public and Arthur was pretty certain Merlin wouldn’t accept a hug from him in the first place. 

"Plus," Merlin added, "I am good at what I do." Arthur agreed. "I don’t believe in love for myself, but I like helping people make the most important day in their life special. It's like watching a romantic comedy, but in real life. It's nice." Merlin spooned up his dessert, dragging out the silence. Just before Arthur could respond, Merlin plowed on in his ramblings about how all cats probably had telekinesis.

Arthur didn’t do much talking after that as they finished their frozen dessert that was technically not ice cream. He was more than happy to listen to the ramblings of a madman because Merlin was not only a distraction, he was mesmerizing. Even his talk about his birds interested Arthur because they were  _ Merlin’s _ birds. And Arthur found the theory about cats fascinating because it was  _ Merlin’s _ theory. And the story about Merlin’s mother broke Arthur’s heart, just a little, because it was  _ Merlin’s _ story.

None of this - whatever this was - made any sense, but Arthur was past having things make sense, he just wanted to feel happy again, and Merlin made him feel just that.

 

~~~

 

Gwen wasn’t able to bring herself home after her phone call with Morgana. Lance had allowed her to stay at his to gather up her thoughts and courage. They talked most of the night, drinking wine. By late morning, when Gwen awoke in Lance’s bed, she knew what she needed to do. She got up, dressed, and went straight home. 

There was a note on the counter from Arthur that said that he had gone to meet with Merlin for the tablecloths and napkins. That was strange. So maybe Morgana hadn’t told Arthur yet if he still went to pick out linens for a wedding that was clearly not going to happen. Gwen decided that it was for the best; it gave her time to go upstairs to prepare her speech for Arthur.

Since she didn’t plan on staying at Lance’s, her phone had died early last night. When it started again, she saw she had three new texts. One from Merlin confirming the time for tomorrow. One from Arthur asking where she was. And the last from Morgana telling her that Arthur knew.

Arthur knew.

Yet he went to meet with Merlin anyway.

Maybe he was hoping the wedding would still go on. Maybe he was going to tell Merlin to cancel all the reservations they had made. Maybe he was just being polite to Merlin since he was Arthur and had to always do the right fucking thing and keep his promises to people. She threw her phone across the room and choked back a bitter sob. She had no right, no right at all, to be upset. Arthur deserved so much better than her. He always had. But the thought of Arthur going to meet with Merlin made her queasy and more upset than she would have imagined.

 

~~~

 

Arthur slipped into the house quietly. Gwen’s car was in the driveway, so he knew she was home. He had no idea what she knew, but it didn’t matter, they were supposed to be able to talk about this kind of stuff. He went straight for the bedroom, and as expected, there was his fiancé.

She rolled over, but as soon as they met eyes both deflated visibly. “I’m so sorry, Arthur.”

“Yeah,” he said. Not knowing what else to say.

“Don’t hate me. Please. I know I can never change what I did, and it will never in any universe be the right thing, but you have to understand one thing, Arthur. I love him. I was in love with him when you and I first got together. I never stopped loving him. You don’t just quit that kind of love. No matter how hard you try. I wanted to love you, Arthur. I know that's a useless thing to say, but I really did try to love you the way I love him. You deserve that kind of love, Arthur, but it’s just not between us, you know?”

He wanted to be angry, like he was last night. He wanted to tell her how she had fucked up and should have at least had the guts to tell him herself. He wanted to yell and shout. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do any of that because he just felt too numb, and he couldn’t bring himself to care at all one way or another. It was over.

“Right,” he muttered, “I know.”

 

~~~

 

Merlin started by clearing everything in his planner that had the name Pendragon on it. Then he called in and cancelled every reservation they had made for Arthur and Gwen’s wedding. After reassuring himself he had gotten Arthur as much of his money back as possible - not that he needed the money - Merlin went to the bank. He pulled out the exact amount that was on his last paycheck from Arthur and slipped it into an envelope. Then he went to Arthur's house.

The house was ginormous. He had been there before, but Merlin had almost forgotten the extravagance of it. The bus had dropped him off four blocks away, and in a neighborhood like this, four blocks was a very long trek. The houses were seriously huge! When Merlin finally got to the door he was sweating a little, but it didn’t matter; he was just going to put the money in the mailbox and go home. He didn’t want to have anything to do with Arthur ever again.

Merlin liked romantic comedies. He liked making fun of the tropes, but when his life was starting to resemble that of a movie, was when it was time to run. The stuff in movies wasn’t for him. He liked watching those things on the telly, but living them was whole other story. Living them meant actually having to deal with all that drama and emotion. It was too much. Merlin would rather just sit alone, curled up with some ice cream, and watch other people be happy. That was his job. Watch other couples be happy. Not Merlin. That was never Merlin’s fate.

“Merlin?” Shit. Arthur probably had security cameras or something.

“Oh, hi. I, erm, I just wanted to drop something off.” Merlin was standing awkwardly at the mailbox, not daring to move closer. “I’ll just be off then.”

Arthur moved from the front door to the mailbox, keeping his eye on Merlin the whole time. “What is it?”

Merlin backed away hesitantly. Arthur would never accept the money if he knew what Merlin was doing. But Merlin didn’t want to owe Arthur anything, and he didn’t want Arthur to owe him anything. He just wanted this whole stupid wedding business to be over and done with. He wanted to forget all about posh, rich Arthur gorgeous Pendragon. “I’ll see you around, Arthur.”

It was too late. Arthur had already opened the envelope and was following Merlin down the street calling his name. And Arthur apparently wasn’t afraid to run, either. Of course he was also in perfect shape. The git. Merlin didn’t even know why he was running, he just couldn’t face Arthur again. He didn’t want to see that hurt look in those beautiful blue eyes. He didn’t want to see the way Arthur carried himself like he owned the world but was also constantly asking permission to do so. He didn’t want anything to do with Arthur anymore because it was all too confusing.

“Merlin, will you stop running?” Merlin had to stop anyway, otherwise he was pretty sure he would soon cough up a lung, and he quite liked his lungs. He was standing by a tree, panting his heart out, when Arthur finally caught up to him. “What the hell?”

Merlin tried to speak, but realized that required using more breath than he had at the moment, so he just held his knees, bent over trying to suck up as much air as possible.

“Here,” Arthur said, already breathing close to normally. Seriously, was he bionic!? He moved to Merlin and took his arms, holding them above his head. “Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.” Merlin would have pulled away if he had more energy, but with Arthur's hands grasping his wrists like that, and the scent of his light sweat and heat radiating off him, Merlin found he didn’t really want to move away after all.

But pride caught up to him. “Stop,” he protested, jerking his hands back. “I’m fine.”

“Why did you leave me this money?”

Merlin scowled at him and rubbed at his burning chest. “It’s a refund.”

“This is payment for the work you did.” Arthur shook the envelope for emphasis. “I don’t want it back.”

“Just take it,” Merlin begged, hoping that look in Arthur’s eyes would go away. “Please. And leave me alone.”

“Alone?” Arthur questioned. He was desperately trying to cover the hurt in his tone with false bravado.

“I’m not some lonely pining wedding planner. I’m single because I want to be. Don’t take out your failed marriage on me, Arthur. I’m not worth it.”

Arthur cleared his throat. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

Scratching his head, Merlin exhaled. “I don’t know what you are doing, Arthur. But I don’t want any part of it. That,” Merlin pointed to the envelope in Arthur’s hand, “is so there are no longer strings attached. You’re free of me. Now please, if you will allow me to continue my run.”

Arthur let out a soft chuckle. “I don’t want to be free of you. This,” he waved the money back at Merlin, “is not the strings that are still attached.”

“Arthur,” Merlin warned, grasping the money, wondering if he could give it back somehow. But it was useless, Arthur was already moving forward, eyes full of blue and determination.

“I like you. And I want to date you.”

“No,” Merlin said, ignoring the way his toes curled at the proximity of Arthur and the way his stomach had tied itself in a knot when Arthur said he liked him. “It’s the third rule, Arthur.”

Letting out a defeated breath, Arthur took a step back. “Fuck it. No one actually falls in love at first sight, do they?”

“Not in real life,” Merlin huffed.

 

~~~

 

After two weeks of trying to get his life back together, Arthur finally realized that he didn’t know what that meant. He went for walks every day to try to clear his head, but that just seemed to make him think more. Thinking was the problem though. Every time he thought, he would think of his stupid idiot wedding planner and how his smile was probably the best smile in the universe. Of course he couldn’t really be the judge on that, but still, it was a great smile. He found that it was easy to stop caring about Gwen. She was happy, so she would be fine, and she had done a really shitty thing to him, so it was easy to write off the anger as her own petty mistake and not something to be heartbroken over.

Heartbreak? That was when someone told you money was the only thing that kept him coming back to you. Heartbreak was when someone told you to leave them alone. Heartbreak was when someone told you that love at first sight didn’t really exist, except for in the movies, even though you know what you felt the first time you saw him. Maybe comparing a person to a cute elephant doesn’t look like love on the surface, but when that person was Merlin, it makes a lot more sense.

Merlin was an odd sort of love that Arthur had to peel back a few layers to see what was underneath. Because at first it looked like a man in mismatched clothing who had giant elephant ears, but underneath there was a man who watched more American movies than the Americans and believed that love didn’t exist. And if that didn’t make Arthur love him enough, he had to go and peel more back to find the scared person underneath that just wanted to be loved, but didn’t know how, so instead he ran away. Literally.

It was a lazy Saturday, and Arthur was in a t-shirt and jeans on the sofa watching telly when suddenly, there was a knock on his door, making him jump. He hadn’t been watching the show anyway, so he got up quickly to see who was visiting him at 3 PM. The bell rang again before Arthur could reach it. He guessed that it was Morgana; she was the only one he knew that was impatient enough to think a whole minute was too long to wait.

When Arthur opened the door, however, the person before him was the last person he had expected to see. “Merlin.”

“You don’t have a flight coming up anytime soon.”

“What?” Arthur opened the door further and could tell Merlin was slightly out of breath with a layer of sweat on his forehead.

Merlin shook his head. “You don’t have a flight coming up. I couldn’t run to the airport and stop you from leaving and confess my feelings for you there. That’s what happens in all the movies. So I have to do the next obvious trope, right? Since I've gone and done all the others. I had to run to your house in a fit of revelation after calling your sister and telling her how I truly felt. She would give me an inspirational speech and I would rush off to you and tell you everything I had been keeping from you since we met.”

Arthur furrowed his brow. “You called Morgana?”

“No,” Merlin panted. “Your sister is terrifying. Also she told me to grow some balls and just fuck you already, via text. So that sort of counts as an inspirational speech, I guess.”

Arthur had to laugh at that, but then his mind caught up to him. “Wait, what feelings do you need to confess?”

“Dammit, Arthur, don’t you know how these things work?” Merlin actually flailed his arms like a child. “This is when I tell you I was wrong and that I do believe in love because you showed me what love really is.”

“Really?” Arthur asked.

“If this was a movie,” Merlin corrected smartly.

Artur shifted, uncomfortable, not really following any of this. “Oh.”

“You were right, though. Robbie and Julia were in love from the beginning.”

From the movie? What did that have to do with Merlin? “They were?”

“God, you are an idiot.” Merlin pushed his way through the door and kissed Arthur fervently. “Yes. They were.”

Oh.  _ Now _ he got it. Then he pulled Merlin in again and kissed him like he had never kissed anyone before.

“You broke all my rules, you know,” Merlin panted into Arthur's mouth between kisses.

“I know,” Arthur replied, unfocused. Because Merlin’s lips were distracting and soft. Kissing Gwen had never felt this good.

Merlin growled. “I think I’m going to have to break a few of yours.”

“Oh yeah,” Arthur asked, cupping Merlin’s arse that had gotten him into all this mess. “And what rules are those?”

Merlin moaned, leaning into Arthur’s touch. “I don’t know. Give me some.”

Arthur let his laugh escape him freely. “Rule number one, don’t walk into a bridal dress store looking so distractingly beautiful. It’s not fair to the self conscious brides inside.” Merlin laughed and kissed down Arthur’s neck. “Rule number two, don’t talk so much about love and romantic movies while with someone whom you are trying not to fall in love with, it’s just rude and makes them think about what it would be like to hold you at night instead of their fiancé.” 

Merlin stopped kissing and locked his eyes with Arthur. “What’s rule number three?”

“Don’t fall in love with the groom of a wedding you are planning. It’s too cliché.”

“Too late,” he admitted, holding back a delicious smile. “I already broke all of those rules.”

“Yes, you did,” Arthur agreed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is satirical romantic comedy that turned into something hilarious. I hope you enjoyed it because I was up till 3 am one night writing this. I put in way too many cliches, and there are too many references to romantic comedies. But I love it all the same because Merlin is absolutely insane and I adore it. Hope you liked it too!


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